I was a dumb baby just like all other stupid little babies. However, I did something pretty dumb that I think is the cause of all the events that you’re about to read.

My parents owned a restaurant by the beach and we lived on the second floor of it, so when my parents would work I’d be on the beach where they could see me to make sure I wasn’t doing dumb baby stuff.

Lesson number one: if you want me to not do something dumb, you have to induce me into a comma and tie me up.

Even though I was a baby of like four years old, I must’ve had some sense of what was dangerous or not. However, big waves were not one of them for me since they were pretty. Pretty things can’t hurt you, right? (Haha insert ex-girlfriend joke haha)

My little potato self excitedly ran into the crystal clear water which then a wave proceeded to grab me and take me on a spin. Next thing I remember is my father and an employee drying me off. The employee then proceeded to tell me how waves worked and that I have to be careful.

Being stuck in a wave without any oxygen going to my brain I think has kept my brain in a state where it has the mental capacity of a four year old. At least that’s what I tell myself every time something dumb happens.